St. Patrick's Day Schtick (Blarney)

I always have fun catching people who on St. Patrick's Day have failed to wear green. I don't ever actually pinch anyone but I do threaten to do so in a kidding type of way. Here are some ways to have fun with it.

1) Hold forth that you are kind of like a doctor and that the threatened pinching is simply akin to a common medical procedure. Further claim that this is a procedure for which you have trained and that you have performed the procedure many times previously. Your patient (victim) can be confident that they will be in good hands.

2) Try to expand upon the idea of establishing a practitioner-patient relationship. Acknowledge that during the intended procedure (pinching) the patient might experience some discomfort and that you as a concerned practitioner will truly want to hear some feedback. Imply that if the patient screamed or squealed that that would help you (the practitioner) in determining the pinching regimen. Explain that you consider practitioner-patient feedback to be very important. The simple short pinch is now expanded to a time absorbing regimen.

3) Acknowledge that the patient might too nervous to receive their pinching right away and then volunteer that you could perhaps fit them in for a 2 o'clock appointment.

4) Hold your hands awkwardly like they were crab claws.

5) Just think of the different things your doctor might say to you, then apply them in funny ways to the pinching situation.

Note, you might be doing this with co-workers and so I do not advise actually pinching anyone. Keep it light and innocuous.

Spring Greens & Calamata Olives & a Rant

How supportive are you of the locavore movement? I've got to say I'm only moderately supportive. Sure, I'd like to see more local production as I assume local production implies greater freshness, but, I'd sure miss the produce that comes up from the Rio Grande Valley in Texas and also the produce grown in the Winter Garden region of Texas. While both of these areas are in Texas they remain quite distant from Houston; they're probably a 7 to 8 hour drive at the minimum.

The reddish area shows the Winter Garden region of Texas and the Rio Grande Valley is located at the Texas-Mexico border. Houston is located in the southeast corner of Texas nearer to the Texas- Louisiana border. Could these areas be considered local to one another? My opinion is no, they are not local to one another. And yet, the locavore movement would have us isolate these low-population though productive agriculture areas from the higher population areas that are less agriculturally productive, namely places like Houston.

Often, proponents of the locavore movement will mention that we should consider the potential energy savings found when the distance from farm to market is made shorter. I don't think there'd be any energy savings, in fact, I think there'd be increased energy waste. I can envision thousands of boutique farms springing to life, all necessary, just to service Houston's food needs. Each farm would most likely need its own pickup and tractor and so that's not an energy saving option. Also, each farm would need substantial investment, and continuing investments, for infrastructure improvements; these investments are needed to turn nonproductive land into productive land. The infrastructure necessary to do this would itself be energy intensive, so again, no energy savings are found there either.

I have to conclude that the locavore movement is justified only by its claims to freshness and taste. These claims are subjective, but they're fair enough to make. Myself, I'll mostly ignore the locavore movement while continuing to look forward to the juice oranges and produce that come to Houston from Texas' Rio Grande Valley and it's Winter Garden region.

Spring Greens & Calamata Olives

The year's best crop of greens will come during springtime. It's hard to go wrong when picking which kind you want to prepare. My father has some experience with greens as he successfully grows several varieties (Notice to locavores: in growing these greens he lavishes great effort and great expense, he does get great results). His advice is to mix them and I've got to say he makes a mean pot of greens! At any rate, pick the greens with fresh leaves and stems, checking the bottom of stems for freshness helps. You can choose mustard greens, beat greens, swiss chard or turnip greens, all are good during springtime. We used turnip greens at 99 cents per bunch rather than the more expensive swiss chard which was $2.99 per bunch.

Ingredients:

2 - large bunches turnip greens

5 - tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided 4 and 1

1/3 - cup coarsly chopped oil cured black calamata olives

2 - garlic cloves, minced

1 - tablespoon fresh lemon juice

Preparation:

Using your hands, shred the leaf away from the stem of the turnip greens. Reserve the stems and leaves in separate bowls. Now cut the stems cross-wise into 1/2" pieces.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, then add the stem pieces cooking them for about 4 minutes just until tender. Next, add the turnip leaves and cook for about 3 minutes stirring occasionally. Now dump the cooked greens into a large colander so as to drain away the water. Press on the greens to extract more water.

Heat 5 tablespoons oil in large fry pan over medium heat. Add olives and garlic and saute these for about 2 minutes. Add the turnip greens and stems tossing until heated through, about 4 minutes. Mix in lemon juice and 1 tablespoon of olive oil, season with salt and pepper, then transfer the greens to a serving bowl.

Comments:

Have a mild vinegar available on the table letting each diner choose to use it or not. Also, this would be a good spot for a flavored olive oil.